Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
