Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
