Porn is love you can see.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
