Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
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