Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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