its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
