sorry about calling you the devil all night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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