you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
