His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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