TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
