If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
