So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
