Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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