Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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