I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
