She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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