I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
worst night to have a conscience
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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