I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
