Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
