I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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