no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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