So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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