You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
