You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
