I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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