? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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