I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
