CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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