yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I want to fling myself into the sun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
