His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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