i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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