No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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