he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
