Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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