well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
