The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
