I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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