I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
