You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
