I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
