...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
