she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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