yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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