i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
