I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
