i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
