I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
