I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
