Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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