did you get engaged???
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
