So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And my parents said I crawled through the house
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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