...so i touched it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
