sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
