billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
