u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
