I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
