There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
