I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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