you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
