Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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