I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
