He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
