i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
one might say we're banned from that church
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
