So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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