i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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