Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
