I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
